i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
