Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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