More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
