it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
