Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
