Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
