It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
