It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
