8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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