Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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