What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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