Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
