I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
