I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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