Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
