I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
