Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
