Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
