My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
