I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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