i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
