If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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