a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
