So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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