The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
