So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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