That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
