was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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