Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
