dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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