Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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