2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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