I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
