FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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