is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
