I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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