I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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