Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
