of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
