oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
