Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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