my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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