Me too!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
