Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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