I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
