paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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