Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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