that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dignity is for republicans.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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