We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
