Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sorry my hands just texted you
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
