is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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