Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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