He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
