You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
