you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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