I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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