I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
