is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
